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November musings

It’s November and I would have been due this month so I should be laid up in bed, hugely pregnant and awaiting the birth of our first child. Most days I manage just fine, I’ve had lots of time to grieve in the last few months. But admittedly, it is still difficult at times. In our guest room I still have the packages of diapers I bought using coupons (that I still clip out), some wipes, a few gender-neutral outfits from the local children’s resale shop, my maternity clothes and some toys that were mostly given to us. Some of it is out in view, other items are tucked away in drawers or the toy chest my husband has had since he was a child. In the garage we have my father-in-law’s beautiful wooden high chair as well as the cradle that all of my nieces and my newphew slept in while at my parent’s house. We’re ready, or at least had started getting ready, but life has a way of coming to a screeching halt sometimes.

We’ve only told a handful of people that we’re going to adopt and already I’ve been told (more than once) the familiar, “oh, you just wait, now you’ll get pregant.” And we might, although without medical assistance I don’t believe we have very hopeful odds. But DH and I have and continue to work through our feelings about the loss of our child and our infertility. It’s not something we can ignore. I can already tell though that people believe we’re going down the adoption road because we have no other choice. That’s simply not the case. We wanted to adopt whether or not we were able to have children or not. Perhaps we both had that desire because that is the only way we’ll have children in our home, but I simply don’t think that’s the case. People come to adoption for a million different reasons, and as long as you have a heart for the children involved, then I’m not sure the reasons are wrong.

Okay, I think I’m rambling now so I’ll sign off for today…


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