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Archive for August, 2007

Life goes on

We haven’t gone back “active” just yet, we’re waiting until DH comes back from his conference before we make a final decision about what we want to do.  In the meantime I’m working on me.  I decided that I might not ever be ready to do full-fledged fertility treatments again, but we might try naturally again sometime in the future.  I’ve never had a doctor tell me I can’t get pregnant on my own, just that our odds weren’t great.  Coincidentally I’ve been having issues, a 3-week long period to be exact, so I went to the RE today to have tests run.  I forgot how wonderful everyone in that office was.  They went through my file and said that based on the fact that the baby we lost was a “normal girl” and my hormone levels at the time were normal then there’s no reason why I can’t carry a healthy baby to term.  It gave me a little hope.  It’s still terrifying, to be sure, as all the tests and sonograms and the threat of another miscarriage is waiting in the wings, but no good thing comes without risk.  None of this changes our adoption plans.  We still feel called to adoption.  And we’ll continue pursuing it, we just might pursue the other stuff next year sometime.  But I have a lot to do to get my body ready for that.  My body is still in rough repair from all the fertility meds and obviously my hormones are way out of whack right now.  They ran a battery of tests on me today, including 3 vials of blood and hopefully we’ll have some answers soon.  We’re still hoping we find our baby soon, this year would be so great, but we’ll wait for the right one no matter how long.

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Support

I don’t even know how to say thank you for all the kind words and cyber hugs from all of you.  Many of you, I know and I really couldn’t ask for better friends – I don’t know what I’d do without you.  But so many of you are just out there, on your own journeys and you don’t know me anymore than you know those you pass on the highway, yet you stop to give me encouraging words and share stories of hope.  What a blessing each of you have been to me and to my husband.  We know we aren’t alone on this adoption road (or the rough terrain of infertility) and it’s nice to be reminded of that.  So thank you – all of you – for your love and your words and your prayers.  I know many will rejoice when we finally bring our little one home.

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Again

We have another failed match.  We’re just at a total loss.  I spoke with our contact at the agency and she said that in all her time there she’s only seen 3 failed placements.  It just seems statistically improbable that 2 of them would be the same couple, but I guess we’re living proof.  Not sure what we’ll do from here because our adoption fund is now drained.

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Waiting in a hotel…again

We waited around until we got as final of a word as we could before we got in the car. We left TN around 8:30 (EST) last night and drove through the night and got in this morning at around 9:45 (CST). Needless to say we’re pooped. We spent the day at the hospital and met the birthmother J and her sister and their mother. All of whom were amazing women. It was truly a pleasure to spend the day with them and by 2:00 J had signed hospital paperwork which gave us the right to visit the baby in the NICU as well as to take her when she’s discharged. Oh, it’s a girl. And she’s in the NICU only because she swallowed some meconium and they wanted to take some precautions and give her antibiotics and watch her for 48 hours. She’s already had 2 x-rays and her lungs are clear and she’s doing really well. She was 5lb 13oz and 18in long and while we originally thought she was only 35 weeks, the nurse told me this evening she suspected she was closer to 38 weeks. Of course nothing is final until it’s final, but J met with a social worker today as well as her attorney and if all the paperwork goes through, she should sign tomorrow – if that timeline doesn’t work, we’ll have to wait until Monday because her attorney will be out of town this weekend. I really can’t say enough good things about this family, their support of J and the fact that they went above and beyond trying to make this day special for us – calling us the Mom and Dad from the moment we walked into the door. They even waited on the birth certificate until we arrived so that we could select a name. If the signing goes well, I’ll let you all know what it is. In the meantime we’re going to bed and we hope to hold our baby girl again tomorrow and really hope we can bring her back to the hotel with us.

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Rollercoaster: Take 2

We got another call from our agency today and there is a mother in labor right now. They wanted to know if we wanted our profile read to her – well, yeah! So now we’re waiting again and since the mom is in labor, then I’m not sure what kind of timeline we’re working on at this point. In the meantime my mom and I are painting the guest bathroom (AKA the kids’ bathroom) and trying to keep busy.

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Back home

We had such a nice, relaxing visit in Texas. It was good to get away and forget for a little while and although it feels a bit bigger and more painful now that we’re home, it’s good to be back in our house with our kitties. We haven’t heard anything new from the agency, but I’m guessing it could be a while. I know there are rescue families out there who have been active with them for months and have never heard anything. And we know that our child will find us somehow, we just hope it won’t be much longer. And while we would never select a child based on gender, it would be nice to have a little girl for the pink clothes and blankets I bought. We won’t know until the end of the month (after the billing cycle) if we’ll get any money back on the attorney’s retainer. It would be nice, but we’re certainly not holding our breath. One day at a time and someday, all of this will have just been part of our journey.

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Down, but not defeated

And once again we’re a statistic. The birthmother changed her mind right at the last mintue. We were at the attorney’s office, she was filling out paperwork, we’d been there a while, the attorney felt certain she’d sign and then she just backed out. So drove back to the hotel, packed our stuff and we just got in. We received 3 baby gifts while we were gone. Not sure what should do, as far as what the protocol is for this sort of thing. Remarkably, we’re doing fine. Better than I would have thought at least. We were sad at the office, we’re still sad, but when it’s all said and done we’ve been through and survived a lot worse than this. We’ll get back up on that horse again. I called to alert the agency and they were totally shocked as they felt certain the birthmom was committed to her adoption plan. Guess there’s always that slight chance things will go against everyone’s expectations. Tonight we sleep, tomorrow we rest and Friday we’re going to TX to see my family. Thanks for all the well-wishes and prayers along the way. Adoption is certainly not for pansies.

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