Archive for November, 2006

Jingle, jingle

Let the decorating commence. Our mantle and hearth have been doused with festivity, our tree is up and shining brightly, holly with bright red berries adourn our porch and a wreath greets visitors, our table is sporting adorable reindeer placemats and snowmen and candles can be found scattered about. I’m just about done, but the nativity still needs to go up. I even made a batch of quick spice cookies today so the house is smelling scrumptuous. Needless to say I’m keeping busy. Between all of this and my revisions, life keeps me on my toes.

I also started the YOU on a Diet this week and so far, so good. I’m concerned about some rumored issues with the Chinese government and weight so I’m going to work on that a bit more before we get our application in. We also are waiting to see about some jobs DH has applied to. Because these other jobs are in different states and we would potentially move this coming summer, we don’t want to start our homestudy here only to have to do another one once we move. So while we’re itching to start on the adoption paperwork, we’re stalling for the time being. At least we have the holidays to keep us occupied while we wait.


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My due date…

Today was to be my due date. I remind myself that it’s just a date and that for most pregnant women the due date is just a loose guideline. But for a woman who’s lost a child, it’s a significant date. A date to remember or mark or set aside to spend a few moments thinking about the child you lost and the love you have for them. Shortly after my miscarriage I came across this poem and it seems quite perfect for today.

Barely a Mother
by Erin McSparron

If I am a Mother,
It seems I’m barely so.
For it was only weeks or months
That I held my baby close.

But God is helping me to understand,
He made me a Mother that day.
The day He gave me a precious life to hold,
And no one can take that away.

For Motherhood is a valuable gift,
Given by the Father above.
Conception is the only condition,
Not a living child to love.

God also gives another gift,
A gift of love so wild.
A Mother feels this gift most strong,
When she’s seperated from her child.

So God knew that I would be sad
When He took my baby home,
But he promised to be by my side
And never leave me alone.

For grief is not a symptom given
To those who know no love.
It’s not a sign of weakness,
But proof of God above.

So if you’re told that Motherhood
Is reserved for Moms of the living.
Remember the honor that God gave you,
When He chose you for your baby’s beginning.

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Just popping in to say happy turkey day. It’s been busy around here. Right after finishing my last book, my mom came in for a visit and we shopped and cooked and played and just had a great time. I was also able to show her the video from our adoption agency and she agreed that it sounded like the right one to choose. We’re not with family this year and even though we’ll be having lunch with friends, it will be difficult to be so far from home. So hug your loved ones and be sure to take some time to be thankful.

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I’ve been holed up trying to get my last book finished so I can turn it into my agent before the holidays, needless to say we haven’t made any headway on anything else. Which includes the house, that now is badly in need of a good scrubing. DH and I are trying to decide who we want to ask to write our letters of recommendation, I think we’ve decided on one, but we’re unsure of the other two. We need to have those selected before we mail in the application. I also have to finish compiling our net worth, I have some insurance stuff I have to look up for that. And this application is the easy part of the entire process, so I can only imagine what we have in store for us as we progress. Bring it on, we’re ready.

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I found this video yesterday and it’s so moving. Grab some tissue before you try to watch it.

Uploaded by ludo

And if anyone knows the song played on that video, please let me know.

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China’s Lost Girls

I’ve mentioned this once before on here, but I thought I would give a brief overview for anyone who hasn’t seen or heard of it and is interested in adoption in China. It’s an hour-long documentary done by the National Geographic and hosted by Lisa Ling and it goes into China’s one-child policy and all of the windfall that has created. They follow a group of families there to pick up their daughters and explain how in the Chinese culture, boys are preferred so that when a couple has a little girl, they often abandon them in order to try again, so to speak. Since it is illegal in China to abandon a child, these baby girls are left in markets and on busy streets where they are sure to be found.

At one point they show a scene where a mother is back for her second daughter and she puts a flyer up in the park where her first daughter was found – a picture of her as an infant and a current one with a little bit about her adopted family and her life in America, all translated into Chinese so the people in the park can read it. They show one man who is so humiliated by the situation and you just feel for these people who have been put in such a difficult position by their government. It was a very moving and well-done documentary and I highly recommend it for anyone who’s interested in Chinese adoption. It is available for rental on Netflix, by the way.

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November musings

It’s November and I would have been due this month so I should be laid up in bed, hugely pregnant and awaiting the birth of our first child. Most days I manage just fine, I’ve had lots of time to grieve in the last few months. But admittedly, it is still difficult at times. In our guest room I still have the packages of diapers I bought using coupons (that I still clip out), some wipes, a few gender-neutral outfits from the local children’s resale shop, my maternity clothes and some toys that were mostly given to us. Some of it is out in view, other items are tucked away in drawers or the toy chest my husband has had since he was a child. In the garage we have my father-in-law’s beautiful wooden high chair as well as the cradle that all of my nieces and my newphew slept in while at my parent’s house. We’re ready, or at least had started getting ready, but life has a way of coming to a screeching halt sometimes.

We’ve only told a handful of people that we’re going to adopt and already I’ve been told (more than once) the familiar, “oh, you just wait, now you’ll get pregant.” And we might, although without medical assistance I don’t believe we have very hopeful odds. But DH and I have and continue to work through our feelings about the loss of our child and our infertility. It’s not something we can ignore. I can already tell though that people believe we’re going down the adoption road because we have no other choice. That’s simply not the case. We wanted to adopt whether or not we were able to have children or not. Perhaps we both had that desire because that is the only way we’ll have children in our home, but I simply don’t think that’s the case. People come to adoption for a million different reasons, and as long as you have a heart for the children involved, then I’m not sure the reasons are wrong.

Okay, I think I’m rambling now so I’ll sign off for today…

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